Philosophical Suicide

"Dying is an Art".

Date : 2 December 2009

Time : 0403 hrs

Location : Unknown Lodge, Room no: 303

The room was in semi darkness, hardly could find things with the light of the TV running with low volume, located at left corner of the room from entrance .... some English movie in the HBO channel. Windows beside the TV were open, the curtains were dancing as the cool breeze blows in.... there was a table and chair near the window hardly could find a drinking glass, a small bottle and a water bottle on the table.. the fan was silent.....

The changing brightness of the light coming from the TV was falling on the bed located at the center of the room with some books lying scattered on one side, beside them could clearly find a body facing the ceiling of the room strangely the head of the body was covered with a large polythene bag tied around the neck!

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Date 1 December 2009 ( the night before)

Time : 2115hrs

Location: same room

Could find everything clear with the tube light on. The small portable TV was off... on the table near the window lies a drinking glass, sealed vodka , Kinley water bottle and some tablet strips...down beside the table lies an opened luggage bag. On the bed lies a GEO magazine (background of the cover page is green with a picture of Adam & Eve and a small image of Darwin on top right corner) and some paper cuttings in an open file(all the paper cuttings were mostly of Science related articles) , a long note book and a TV remote.

The bathroom door opened, he came out wiping out his face with a towel and throwed it on the chair. He was in night pant and a black t-shirt looking so lean. His hair was uncombed, unshaved beard. He reached towards the bed and sat on it then grabbed the TV remote and started surfing the channels and stopped at HBO watched for few minutes. He looked at his long note book took, he kept the remote aside and took the book into his hand and opened it .In the center of the first page it was written as “Me and my thoughts” neatly designed in black ink. Turning to the second page it contained the contents of the book:

His eyes stopped at one of the chapters "Suicide note".

Chapter 6
Sucide note

A Man has a weakness, making mistakes. That mistake lead him to guilt. The guilt leads to shame. Tries to compensate the shame with pride. when pride fails, despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction.


Suicide (Latin suicidium, from sui caedere, "to kill oneself") is the act of a human being intentionally causing his or her own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair, or attributed to some underlying mental disorder which includes depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism and drug abuse. Financial difficulties, troubles with interpersonal relationships and other undesirable situations play a significant role.


Right now there is only one thought in my mind "Suicide".
How to commit suicide?
What are the different methods to commit Suicide?
Any painless ways to commit Suicide?
what happens after death? .
Is there any other alternative better than to commit suicide?


I wrote a list.....

Methods to commit suicide ( remarks):

1) Bleeding(Wrist cutting) (it leaves marks on your wrist life long
2) Drowning ( I know swimming )
3) Electrocution ( what if power goes off in between? you will be paralyzed )
4) Explosion ( burns all over the body )
5) Firearms ( reliable. but where can I get one?)
6) Hanging ( reliable but common method which everyone follows. I don't want to follow it)
7) Immolation( may survive with severe burns scar tissue, emotional impact of horrific injuries)
8) Indirect suicide ( creating suicide to look like a murder(hiring someone to kill) or accident)
9) Jumping from height (u may survive with broken limbs may get paralyzed)
10) Poisoning(Pesticide poisoning, drug overdose, cyanide)
11) Sleeping pills ( least reliable )
12) Vehicular impact ( train, bus) ( most horrible and painful cant imagine the scene body in the blood shed)

But all these are doubtful & painful methods, painful than the pain which triggered this thought

Even thou it is painful, I choose the method of Poisoning.
Now the question is: which Poisson? Pesticide, Cyanide or Drug overdose?
I came across a community in one of the social networking sites. It's a community of guys who wants to commit suicide someday. I immediately joined the community. Few days later I received a scrap from a guy offering me Cyanide for Rs 10,000/-. I was tempted. I have the money right now. Consuming Cyanide is a fastest way to to die. But I doubt, am I falling in a trap of a guy who wants to make money. Will it work out? No, I don't want to take risk.

Then I came across a method to prepare my own Poison.
Preparation of "Nicotine", the cheap and best method to prepare a Poison.
Tobacco contains Poison called nicotine, it can be extracted from the tobacco products like cigars.


What is the most painless way to commit suicide? Made an extensive research on this question. comes out with three beautiful answers:

1) Enhanced bleeding method( slashing wrist):

Requirements: a bucket of ice cubes, a sharp knife

Procedure :

1. Get a very large bowl, full of ice water… lots of ice.
2. Put your arm in it for an hour (hurts at first, then goes numb),
3. Get a razor or sharp knife (an X-Acto knife is good).
4. Cut along the wrist where it meets the hand,
5. Then cut 45 degrees down across your wrist.
6. Then down center along your arm until it starts to hurt. (to make sure your arteries are properly cut).
have a popcorn watch a comedy show slowly u will fall asleep death comes within 15mins.

2) Suffocation ( plastic bag method )

Requirements: a chair, a big plastic bag, helium gas, alcohol and some sleeping pills, a paper mask to cover your nose and mouth, two elastic bands.

Procedure:
1) Carry out this procedure in a cold room
2) Get into a comfortable sitting position, slightly tilted backwards in chair. lying down is not the best position for this procedure
3) Swallow all the sleeping pills using alcohol or water to wash them down
4) Put the paper mask over the nose and mouth put two elastic bands over the head, and set them around the lower neck place the plastic bag over the head and draw the rubber bands over the bag. secure it firmly around the Adams apple area. There must be no leaks.
5) With two thumbs hold the elastic bands stretched a few inches from the Adams apple allowing a supply of air to get in and so that your arms will drop when you fall asleep do not support your elbows on pillow or armrests.
6) Wait until sleep aids take effect and as sleep overwhelms you allow the hands to drop and the elastic bands to tighten around the neck..
and close of all air breathing inside will continue normally. As long as there is no further intake of air death will follow in about thirty minutes after the onset of sleep..

Helium gas can be used in the place of sleeping pills and alcohol for quick death but it makes the procedure complex.

Any alternatives to death?

It is the past which makes you to commit suicide, what if you forget the past? Forgetting everything? Amnesia is the only way! how to acquire amnesia? But sadly you can only acquire amnesia accidentally. what about short-term memory? yes! there are some drugs like xanax(alprazolam) on long term usage can result in memory problems. Need some patience. I have no patience.


Changing ones perception towards life :

Where will I go after death? Simply cease to exist? What happens to this world after my death?. I doubt. Does it really exist? One of my theories I have written earlier comes to rescue. According to it, every thing which we perceive is fabricated in our mind through our five senses, which supports that only thoughts exists. So is there anything which exists physically? Or only the thoughts exist? Are we the creators of the world we perceive? If it is so life after death depends on what you believe. If you believe in heaven and hell you will go to one of them( the most you believe you would go). If you believe in reincarnation you will take rebirth. So now what I believe? there are still some questions lying at a corner of my mind. I don't know about others. does others really exist? Am I the only existing mind? So in such case this world came into existence with my consciousness and ends with my death!!!!! nothing exists except my consciousness!!!!! you are all my projections I am the creator of everything around me just like my dreams which my mind fabricates in sleep. If it is so I am the creator of my happiness, I am the creator of my pain creator of all my emotions. What you think of me is what i imagine what you think of me. I am much excited with this thought. Everything seemed to be right. This thought is going to give me infinite freedom. I can worry of nothing I can do whatever I can but within the laws I have created in this world otherwise. Because there is still some belief in me that I am one among the others, it would hurt me. I will achieve infinite freedom only when I strongly believe I am the only existing mind. Which one is true? "I am one among the herd" or " the only consciousness existing(the herd is within me)". If the later is true on the funny side I am writing this blog for myself all the replies are my projections. I am talking with my projections, I am chatting with my projections. Reading the books which I have fabricated in my mind. Simply to say I am just like schizophrenic. Got a reason to live to chase the mystery of self.Even if this is true I can never prove it to you because you never existed outside me. To whom I can prove except myself.

Now what I believe is I can never die for there is nothing which exists physically other than
my thoughts. Thoughts can never die. Even if I tried to kill myself with a small belief in physical existence so that everything gets wiped, I will rise on the bed next day as if nothing had happened or such act would turn as a failure.

So this is another possible reality.
Entered into new world but with some doubts. Still needs some justification.
But one thing I am sure of is I exist, at least my thoughts if not physically. There is only one true and its me. I am the truth. If any truth exists it can only be derived from me.
Got a reason to live, to chase the mystery of self.
My perspective of life got changed. This is what i called "Philosophical suicide" (Third method of painless way to commit suicide.)

(If the former is true, " I am one among the herd " inoder to exist in this world I have to be insane by believing "I am the only existing counciousness".)


I choose the second method of painless way!!!.
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He closed the book. Gettting prepared for the second method.